Wow, Sheila, this makes me all the more excited about your upcoming book!! I too have been learning much in this vein, for myself as a woman with a teaching gift, and having many discussions about it.
Interestingly enough, I spent last year in gentle but firm confrontation in MANY areas of my life. As a recovering people-pleaser, it was WILD. It was also incredibly freeing and healing to be able to speak what I mean—WITHOUT REGRET—and also without needing the other person to respond in any particular way. It led to some really uncomfortable and yet beautiful conversations and even some change, praise God.
Keep doing what you’re doing, my friend. I’m glad I get to be here for it.
Thank you so much for this, especially for your thoughts on complementarianism - I'd love to hear more how you unpack that one, please do write on it! I once stood fairly firm there, but now extremely loosely as my wife deconstructed her faith. I feel the burden keenly, to submit to her spiritual journey, though I have concerns about its impact on her personally and how we raise our kids.
I do feel a deep tension between confrontation and submission here as a result. Confrontation often leads to deeper conflict and a further schism between the two of us. Perhaps it's a male thing, I don't know. But I'm so, SO grateful you're treading a path and offering thoughts that help me pray through this. Jesus has been so faithful and kind to us.
Thank you, Matt. I’m glad these thoughts have given something for you to pray through. We need wisdom from Jesus to engage in healthy conflict, confronting what causes damage to our marriages, desiring peace. But it’s not easy. And we get it wrong a lot. The story from John 13, where Jesus washed the disciples’ feet models loving confrontation . Christ doesn’t lead us in a confrontation of picking on each other, trying to prove another wrong, or condemning. His demeanor is humble, it serves, but it doesn’t ignore the thing that’s causing damage in a relationship. One thing that helps me focus not on the thing that’s hurting us, but on the unity I desire with my husband, when I try to loving confront my husband, is to say, “Honey, you are the most important person in the word to me. And that’s why I want to talk to you about _____.” Anyway, blessings to you and your wife! May the Lord allure her to Christ through your faithful love.
I appreciate your words here. I see so many instances in my marriage where I let selfishness and pride gain traction and I plow right over my husband’s thoughts and opinions when I want to say my piece, but I also see the negative effects of submission without confrontation in the church. The Bible has so much more to say and it’s so hard to keep it all in view!
Thank you, Olivia. Yeah confrontation done in love, with a desire for what’s good, what reconciles, is easier to write about than it is to actually live. But I do think it’s an important part of cultivating a healthy marriage, and is part of Christ’s example and instruction to us, that we don’t tend to teach to wives especially in the church. I this the work of peacemaking.
Wow, Sheila, this makes me all the more excited about your upcoming book!! I too have been learning much in this vein, for myself as a woman with a teaching gift, and having many discussions about it.
Interestingly enough, I spent last year in gentle but firm confrontation in MANY areas of my life. As a recovering people-pleaser, it was WILD. It was also incredibly freeing and healing to be able to speak what I mean—WITHOUT REGRET—and also without needing the other person to respond in any particular way. It led to some really uncomfortable and yet beautiful conversations and even some change, praise God.
Keep doing what you’re doing, my friend. I’m glad I get to be here for it.
Thank you so much for this, especially for your thoughts on complementarianism - I'd love to hear more how you unpack that one, please do write on it! I once stood fairly firm there, but now extremely loosely as my wife deconstructed her faith. I feel the burden keenly, to submit to her spiritual journey, though I have concerns about its impact on her personally and how we raise our kids.
I do feel a deep tension between confrontation and submission here as a result. Confrontation often leads to deeper conflict and a further schism between the two of us. Perhaps it's a male thing, I don't know. But I'm so, SO grateful you're treading a path and offering thoughts that help me pray through this. Jesus has been so faithful and kind to us.
Thank you, Matt. I’m glad these thoughts have given something for you to pray through. We need wisdom from Jesus to engage in healthy conflict, confronting what causes damage to our marriages, desiring peace. But it’s not easy. And we get it wrong a lot. The story from John 13, where Jesus washed the disciples’ feet models loving confrontation . Christ doesn’t lead us in a confrontation of picking on each other, trying to prove another wrong, or condemning. His demeanor is humble, it serves, but it doesn’t ignore the thing that’s causing damage in a relationship. One thing that helps me focus not on the thing that’s hurting us, but on the unity I desire with my husband, when I try to loving confront my husband, is to say, “Honey, you are the most important person in the word to me. And that’s why I want to talk to you about _____.” Anyway, blessings to you and your wife! May the Lord allure her to Christ through your faithful love.
I appreciate your words here. I see so many instances in my marriage where I let selfishness and pride gain traction and I plow right over my husband’s thoughts and opinions when I want to say my piece, but I also see the negative effects of submission without confrontation in the church. The Bible has so much more to say and it’s so hard to keep it all in view!
Still so excited for your book!
Thank you, Olivia. Yeah confrontation done in love, with a desire for what’s good, what reconciles, is easier to write about than it is to actually live. But I do think it’s an important part of cultivating a healthy marriage, and is part of Christ’s example and instruction to us, that we don’t tend to teach to wives especially in the church. I this the work of peacemaking.